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Not Everyone Wants to Be Responsible for Their Lives

Without taking responsibility for your own wants, needs, feelings and thoughts, you, me, and us, end up being told what to do, what to have, what to think, to feel and to want.

 Life will not show up the way you want, or the way I want, unless we take responsibility for the level of self-awareness we are currently at. We have to willingly step into the practice of observing, witnessing, experimenting, and experiencing life as it is, not life as its “supposed to be.”

Join me if you dare to challenge your thoughts about how your life “should” be! 

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

 

How Empowered am I to Choose to Choose How I Age?

If I want to age my way, what do I need to be aware of, conscious of, mindful of, to make that happen?

Tune in to find out!

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

Cultivating Self-Awareness, Who Me?

Self-awareness, according to research, only 10-15% of the population have it. What?!

The other day a question came to me: When did I become aware that I exist within this body, this personality, this life?

I haven’t come up with the specific age, though I can see clues along the way.

Listen in to this podcast and answer the question for yourself!

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

What to Do When Someone Dies

This podcasts is a great summary of what we need to consider before we die, and perhaps before our beloved parents, partners, or children die.

No one wants to think about this topic, however when death arrives, someone will have to make choices - tough choices, sometimes hugely expensive choices. To consider and choose now can bring about more peace when the inevitable death does arrive.

Through this exploration I realized that there are many choices available to all of us that we may not be aware of. Like, for instance, did you know that you can actually keep a loved one home for a home funeral for a number of days before they go to their final resting spot or crematorium? There are Home Funeral Guides, and quite a few books on the subject. I found this really fascinating.

I also loved that you don't need to buy expensive caskets. Cardboard caskets, willow caskets, or shrouds all work. So, checking out options now and making a plan, even though you may not pass for decades, at least has something in place for those who have to be responsible for what comes next.

I personally want to avoid this whole topic. However, as I told my daughter, I believe I'd be irresponsible if I didn't have a plan laid out to make everything as simple and effortless as possible. I'm glad that she appreciates my perspective. She didn't think I was weird or over-dramatizing the whole death thing. She was good with it. We even looked on Amazon for caskets together! How much closer can a mother & daughter get? We had a good laugh!!!

Listen in for what I discovered in my research.

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

 

Deconstruction of the Life after Death

Living in a small community, on an Island no less, we're constantly aware of the passing of people. And with the passing of my friend Virginia and others, I’m aware of what it takes to deconstruct the lives of others. For children, for family members and friends, the task is inevitable - what to do with stuff!

It’s like someone threw a party and then left without cleaning up! I’m not one to enjoy cleaning up other people’s messes. I believe that’s part of why I coach people to be accountable and responsible for their own lives. So that they take care of their own messes, take responsibility for how they live and how they die.

And, guess what? There aren't many people who willingly take responsibility for their lives and for their deaths.

Honoring those that have to clean up after we are gone is a big deal. We don’t want to admit that we are going to die. We don’t want to do any prior preparations. We don’t think of those who have to clear the clutter.  After my Aunt Genevieve died, as the executor of her Will, my dad spent months going through her disorganized papers, sorting and ensuring that all her affairs were complete. Tons of old files that seemed irrelevant but could potentially be important, meant that he take the time it took to do away with every piece of paper he came across. I believe when he died he made it easier for my brother Michael to complete the final tasks of putting this person’s life in order, close the file, and call it a day.

The gravitational pull that brings to each of us the stuff of our lives, material, financial, health, relationships, dissipates when an individual dies. All of their belongs disappear, either to the trash heap, to other people, to the Good Will, to who knows where. And this is a powerful part of the deconstruction of an individual's life.

My friend Harold and Maud are moving into a two bedroom rental and leaving their beautiful home after 45 years. They began clearing out their clutter a few months ago, had a huge garage sale, and still have a huge amount of stuff that they aren't yet ready to part with. They too are in the process of deconstructing their lives. And there are those of us who are witnesses and supporters of them as they go through and complete this horrendous task. They are in shock, because this is a traumatic experience. They will need to be comforted and nurtured while they settle into their new home.

This is one of those topics that touches me deeply. Conscious of leaving behind remnants of ourselves that others will have to sort through, throw out, pass on, or keep is a gift we can give those we leave behind. And the truth is, most of us won't because we don't want to think about all that stuff.

So part of the practice of aging like a guru is to mindfully be present to the way we live and die. In essence, every day we are dying. And I can say, that out of fear we are grasping with white knuckles to life, but my experience is that most of us aren't living our lives - we are just coping, managing and strategizing how to make the best of what we got. Change means the risk of experience loss, which we will because we do experience loss. There's no way around that!

The intention of these Podcasts is to perhaps prod some curiosity into you and into myself, on how to live life more fully - experiencing the fulfillment of our human spirit. That means consciously taking responsibility for our own lives, as we live AND as we die. 

No matter what, there is that deconstruction process that occurs for each of us. The more conscious we are of this process, I believe, the greater degree of honor and sanctity we bring to our lives and the lives of others.

 

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

People's Death Affects Us More than We are Imagine

We are affected by people’s departure more than we know. We are often surprised, even though we know that everybody dies. And often we experience regrets and guilt for not engaging with the deceased more while they were alive.

Anytime I hear about someone’s passing I’m moved to experience the reality that every one of us dies. Compassion, reverence, and significance of each person’s presence on this planet brings a moment of awareness if you will. It brings emotions and thoughts, grief, regrets, sometimes anger, and feelings of powerlessness. Even though I hadn’t really been connected with Virginia for the past four years, I still experienced regret that I hadn’t connected with her. In a previous podcast I mentioned others who experienced guilt for not connecting and participating more in the other person’s life.

It's a fascinating process - living with dying. Living with other's dying and our own dying. Each of us do it our own way, with most of us living in denial, distraction, ignorance and avoidance of the whole issue until none of that works any more.

When I got the call that my friend Virginia had died, and that I was on her list of alternatives to the person put in charge of her affairs, I didn't know how to respond. If told that I'd have to act on her behalf, making funeral arrangements and the like, I wouldn't know where to start. I thought of all the people who face the death of their loved ones and have to immediately put their grief on hold and get everything in place, from calling people, getting the body moved, cremation or burial arrangements - way too much for someone who is in grief. Hell! Like I said, I wouldn't have known where to start with Virginia if I had to step in, and I had very little emotional involvement with her at the end.

This put me on the path of researching, "What to do when people die." And I found information that fascinated me, like, did you know you can have home funerals and totally bypass funeral homes? 

So people's deaths affect us in all sorts of ways. Aging like a guru allows us to think about death as part of life. And perhaps dying like a guru is part of this path (Yes, this is to be my next book!). Engaging in life fully, bypassing the fear and angst that interferes with living with every aspect of life - including death, is what we are here to do, only if we wish to. We all do life and death differently. There is no right way!

 

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

Get Organized Before You Die - Who Me?

My friend Virginia passed about a week ago. She was a great contribution to people’s lives in so many ways. She’d been a psychologist and advocator for people’s well-being on so many levels. She certainly was a gift of joy, love and generosity of spirit until the very end.

For the past number of years, after the passing of her partner, Virginia lived alone. One of the cool things about Virginia was that she realized that in the end she’d need to count on her friends to settle her affairs after her passing. I think it was about 5 years ago that Virginia called together a group of friends and requested our support when she passed. She asked each of us if we would step in to handle arrangements that she meticulously laid out. We each got a key to her house, and all the documents necessary to act as power of attorney if necessary. And her documents were also carefully placed on her refrigerator, so that if found dead the EMTs would know exactly what to do.

A few weeks ago, Virginia was experiencing some flu-like symptoms, and her heart was giving her problems, but nothing much was made of it. Virginia went quietly in her sleep, as ready as anyone could be for her exit.

Now, That’s the Way to Go! 

I got an email this morning from Power of Attorney #1. She wanted to let us all know that she had been to Virginia's, cleaned out the fridge, swept up, and put out the trash. That was pretty much it. No huge mess to clean up. No cluttered spaces, no drudgery - wondering what to do with masses of miscellaneous boxes of junk. Nope! Virginia took care of the people she loved by taking care of her own trash, getting rid of the unnecessaries, so that those who would be deconstructing her life on Earth wouldn’t be burdened.

Virginia’s practice of making sure everything was in order for when she died has impacted me deeply. Her precious papers and key to her house was with my own paperwork, Will and Trust. I continually let go of stuff I don’t want others to have to deal with. If I’m keeping something because I feel bad throwing it away, I ask myself, “Am I willingly burdening someone else with the task of throwing this away just because I don’t want to burden myself with the task?” If the answer is yes, I throw it away. If the answer is no, and I still may find joy in having it around, then I keep it.

I'm passing on the wisdom of Virginia to friends who are also alone and haven't got their affairs in order. And this week I'll be going to the Fire Station and picking up my LIFE Form Documents, and most importantly I'll be filling them out and putting them in the Freezer - apparently that is a handing and convenient place for EMT's and other First Responders to find important papers. That's good to know, right?

Each of us have dozens of reasons to put this project off. I know for myself that if I don't take care of this, there will be confusion and frustration left for the people I love. That's not the way I want to be remembered. And, I was joking with my daughter the other day that if I take care of all the arrangements before hand, she doesn't have to attend to all of that crazy decision-making. She can just be with her deep grief for my passing. We both laughed! That's a good thing.

Aging like a guru has us consider the reality of our departure. We don't know how and we don't know when, but we know it's coming. It's smart to take care of some important details before the precious event occurs. In fact, Consumer Report has a post called What to Do When Someone Dies. It's a great list to review now and perhaps get some things in place. Just a thought!

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

Fear of Living, Fear of Dying - Maybe Both!

I find it an interesting question to ask people, "Are you afraid of living?"

When we adventure forward in life, we will undoubtedly face many things we have no interest in facing. Facing loss, annihilation, humiliation, rejection are some of the biggies. Courageously living in your truth, though phenomenal to experience takes a lot of strength and conviction. Why the heck did we come into these Earthly forms in the first place? Good question. 

Joseph Campbell said, “Where there is a way or a path, it’s someone else’s way...."

I have a theory that if you are on your own path, then things are going to come to you. Since it’s your own path, and no one has ever been on it before, there is no precedent, so everything that happens is a surprise and is timely.

Listen in and let me know your thoughts on Facebook!

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

 

Regardless of Age, I Don't Know How to Do Me!

I've never known how to be me. And now that I have a whole repertoire of experience that points to who I've been and who I've tried to be, it doesn’t really help. Because I choose to do these podcasts I keep having to attend to the truth of me and how it's been working for me.

I’m not by any means a guru. I do practice what I believe gurus might practice, though. Why? Well, I believe essentially that they have trained themselves to have a pretty good life, one that is peaceful and fulfilling. That’s what I want for me, and that’s what I want for you!

As part of the practice of creating these Podcasts, I take an inventory quite regularly so that I'm not just talking a talk, but I'm actually walking my walk. I question when and how I’m listening to my inner guru; I question whether that inner guru is actually me. Sometimes I can’t tell. Sometimes I spend time - hours, days or weeks discerning who the hell that is talking with me. 

Listening to my inner guru doesn’t mean that life is going to be easy. It just means I have some guidance that is better than what I’d be getting if I listened to my fears.

Truthfully I don’t know who I am and I don’t know what I’m doing. Because I live more and more in the present moment I can only know myself in this moment. 

I believe I’m here on this planet to be living my own path one step at a time. This practice requires me to let go of my past and not design a future. I’m not an expert at this. And where I am today is all I can master. The quote, “I am the Master of my Destiny,” really only means that I’m able to be present in this moment with little or no fear of what tomorrow will bring. Is that who I am? Hmmmm. Great question!

 

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

 

It’s Not If You Die, It’s How You Face the Inevitability of Your Death

It is said that Japanese Samurai warriors reminded themselves of the inevitability of loss by using the phrase, “Die before going into battle.” This practice allows a warrior to enter combat without fear of death because he has brought himself to the acceptance of death ahead of time. Because death is an inevitable outcome, and by accepting the absoluteness of that inevitability, the warrior fully gives himself to his mission without concern for survival or victory.

Tracy Goss wrote a book called The Last Word on Power (1996), and talks about the paradigm most of us live in. It goes like this: if things are going great - Yay for us! If things are not going great, there must be something wrong with them, it, or me!

Goss points to the fact that there is very little room in our current paradigm for the Isness of life. She says life doesn’t turn out the way it "should", but rather life turns out the way it does. Most of us don’t like that message, and so we avoid the whole subject completely until we can no longer deny the inevitability of life ending in death.

There is so much we cannot control in life, but that doesn’t stop us from trying! Death is just one of those fates that, although undeniable on a very obvious level, tends to lead to humans creating a tremendous amount of fantasies of "beating the odds". I find that fascinating.

What would life look like if we, like the Samurai Warriors, admitted that death is inevitable? I suspect we would get on with the task of fulfilling our mission of bringing about the vision we imagine for the world. I believe we would stop living in fear and begin expressing compassion for ourselves and others. I don’t really know. But it beats living in fear for the rest of my time on the planet!

 In the end, life will end as it does, not as it should. That’s a big fat be-with! So now what? For me, I’m going to get on with letting go of how life should be and how life should end, and just live one day at a time, making it the best day ever.

How are you with the topic of death? Let's talk about it over on Facebook!

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

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